The last week in a nutshell

This last week started out with a lot of grief. A student in my building passed away and the tragic event left many waves of remorse and confusion. This event will forever be in a lot of our minds for the rest of our lives.

This last weekend, I told D that something was different. I hadn't started my monthly like normal and I was running out of 'sugar pills'. This meant that I'd be starting a fresh pack without having the monthly (for those that just are NOT following my subtlety).

I also felt too bloated, VERY nautious, all day long, and sore (cough cough, upper region, cough). Let's just say wearing a bra actually hurt a bit (weird!).

So, Sunday night, I walked right into Daryk (or under him, since I am so much shorter) and said that we should pick up a 'test'. I think we both felt like this was something so large to even think about, that we barely talked about it. Thought about it, yes, discussed, no. Not the possibility. Good grief, a baby would change EVERYthing.

So, we went to Walgreens and while waiting for some other perscription to fill, we looked into EVERY aisle but that one. When our name was called to get the meds, we then quickly walked over and I felt totally overwhelmed. Yes, I wanted a baby, yes, I was excited, but i was scared silly!

I picked up one of the home tests and we tucked it into a bag after paying and went home. It took me about 20 mins at home before I was ready and so i completed the test and noticed that as soon as the test started, a second (VERY light) pink line showed. I blinked a lot and had to show D. We then read the directions and it said that was a positive, but we both wanted to say, "but there is a light line, not a full-on line, but a light pink line that doesn't even look whole, like it has spots missing". Maybe it was saying I wasn't fully pregnant. HAH hehe

So, inconclusive in our minds, but not on the test, we went to bed that night, worried.

The next morning, i called D at work and told himt hat I was going to go to the clinic.

I made sure the appts were clear and I drove in myself. It snowed lightly and wasn't very cold. I was shaking and scared. I went right into the clinic, got a lab card and dropped it off at the lab desk and then sat and waited. An old friend from my nortech days sat across from me and she looked awful and we talked about how she felt very dizzy and tired.

My name was called, "Eileen Lenart" of course, and was given a plastic cup. She had to tell me twice that the directions were on the wall in the restroom. Problem was, I had to wait a good 8 minutes until one was free. I then went in and ++tried++ to follow the directions. I would swear I peed on every surface in that bathroom except into the cup! Gross, yes, embarassing, yes, funny - hell yes! I was such a nervous wreck, that I couldn't pee in that cup more than to the 20 line and they wanted at least 50. I just couldn't do it. Even the sticker on the outside was wet. I gave up, cleaned up and put the cup in the metal wall lazy susan and sheepishly got out of there. I probably took a good 10-15 mins. /sigh

They said it would take an hour.

I also talked to a nurse about the pill i was on and i came away from that with the conclusion that i had a stubborn egg and that was that. heh

This was Monday. The parent's of my deceased student came this day. I got the call from my nurse about half an hour before the parents came. I was suddenly ecstatic and exremely giddy. I kept thinking, I'm going to have a baby! October 30th, a Baby! D and I were going to be parents! Suddenly it just felt perfect.

Back to earth, and into the student's parents visit: The grief was all around me, and i stayed very subdued, but that love in my heart for the baby was just swelling and I was struggling with wanting to get a hold of D as soon as possible. During the memorial, I saw D walking home from work and so I told my two co-workers that I needed to 'talk to D'.

Of course, they had those knowing smiles and they both asked me right out, 'Are you pregnant?' I just told them I needed to talk to D and so left early.

I walked into the apartment, covered in snow. He was standing in the hallway, I told him and we both stared at each other and hugged. We sat on the couch for quite a while, and we'd both sometimes laugh, express a worry, hold hands, touch, and just be together as we let it sink in.

That night, we went to Target and looked at baby things and I think that helped put it into perspective. We held hands as we looked at outfits, cribs, nooks, blankies, etc.

That night, we called family.

My brother and his wife: I called them Uncle and Aunt
My Mom: Told her that the coupons she had would be needed in 8 months (my brother gave her pampers coupons to give to whoever needed them
Ds Mom and Dad: Asked them if they were really done witht he rocker for our future kids
AspenE: told her that I was feeling nautious a lot and got a lot of, ahh huh's

Today, I told the staff here at BSU. They are happy for me. LL and N brought Baby Ruths and baby Mt Dew cans and Motts for Totts. Of course they knew, they could tell I was smiling ear to ear while trying to lie and say nothing was going on. hehe