Mentally Fried

Something is wrong... I'm not sure what.

Tonight, I sat on my couch and studied my German verbs... a normal occurence on a Thursday night and I found that I couldn't concentrate, everyone talking or walking by was distracting me and that I felt trapped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time - and I don't like it.

So, about 2 mins ago, I closed and locked my door, threw on pajamas, turned off the lights and washed my face. I feel better. But... my mind is blank.

Why can't I get myself to go farther than I should... why am I stuck doing the midiocre ? I used to be an overachiever! Why do I sleep in until 10am every morning and still need a nap at about 1 or 2? Why can't I get up early and go jogging? Am I lazy? Sick? Depressed? I don't think so.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, my family is well and I am well loved and my friends are all around me. I have a great floor to live on...

Maybe it's the fact that I push and try and study and cry and work my ass off to try and pass my German and I can't seem to get past an F on any of my tests. I honestly H A V E been studying and understanding. But, if you look at my tests and compare them to my self-tests (I do about 4 self tests based off all of our previous homework) you would think there were two different people! Sure, I could suck at tests, but this is ridiculous. I am better than this, I know it, but I can't prove it to my professor. And this frustrates the hell out of me. I am a hard worker, dammit, and my scores aren't showing it.

/sigh

Well, maybe that will help. I think this is what is really bothering me.
That, and my laziness. Stupid sleep - let me wake up and *DO* something in a day! C'mon! Time to put my alarm clock far away from the bed and get my workout clothes out onto the couch every night. Maybe this will help. I *need* to get outside and get rid of the cabin fever.