Tuesday, January 24, 2006

And so the anxiety begins...

I'm waking up with a large twist in my chest and wanting to burrow under the covers and hide. I still feel like I'm 13 or so with adult problems and I think, "What the hell was I thinking, I can't do this?!"

But, I must. I've been working toward this last semester for over 8 years and with the help from wonderful professors, I made it to this point. But is this point too much? Am I going to make it?

What happens after this point? I've got another factor in my life, D. I don't want to leave him for more than a year to four. I don't want to. But, then, what's left in Bemidji? I'd have to find some sort of job I am happy with. And then, what happens? I'm stuck here with no chance to continue my education? My goal is to still be a college professor - I want to teach the Old English texts, Icelandic sagas, Marie de France and even a bit 'o Chaucer. I want to be happy, be with D and enjoy life to the fullest. These two goals need to mesh together, otherwise, I am going to be unhappy in some way.

OK, time to move around and feel like I can accomplish something.
  • shower
  • eat
  • read more Troilus and Crisseyde
  • E-Mail Hall Council
  • Begin planning an outline

Think, only third week, only the third week, its only the third week, im ok, i can get this stuff done. it is only the third week, ill be fine. I need to organize my time for testing and writing. it is only the third week.

1 comment:

Aspen said...

I agree with bdawg...

hmm... who'd a thought they'd hear me say that ;)

You'll be ok chicky, you always manage to get more done than I do.

And things WILL work out - I keep telling you that... but I'll listen as long and as often as ya need me to.

And yeah... breath!

*HUGS*